Jokes

RingMaster · Posted: Fri Dec 16, 2005 10:57 pm Post subject:

There was this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. After he didn't move for a half-an-hour, this big trouble-making truck driver stepped up right next to him, took the drink from the guy, and just drank it all down. The poor man started crying.
The truck driver turned and said: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man crying."
"No, it's not that." the man replied, "Today is the worst day of my life. First, I overslept and was late for an important meeting. My boss became outraged and then fired me.
When I left the building to my car, I found out that it was stolen. The police said they could do nothing. I then got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my whole wallet in the cab.
I got home only to find my wife was in bed with the gardener."
The man was really sobbing now, "I left home depressed and came to this bar. And now, just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, YOU show up and drink my poison ..."

RingMaster · Posted: Sat Dec 17, 2005 12:05 am Post subject:

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points to the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your Mom's the best lay in town!"
Everyone expects a fight but the guy ignores him and the drunk wanders up to the end of the bar.
Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points to the same guy, and says, "I just screwed your mom and it was really sw-e-et!" Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk wanders off.
Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom even let me...."
Finally the guy interrupts, "Go home, Dad---you're drunk again!"

RingMaster · Posted: Sat Dec 17, 2005 12:06 am Post subject:

Two guys were in a bar watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge that was about to jump, obviously suicidal.
"I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said the first guy.
"Bet you $10 he won't," replied the second.
Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first his money.
"I can't take your money," said the first guy. "I cheated you. The same story was on the five o'clock news."
"No, no. Take it," said the second guy. "I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"