Well, all this . At least that is what some companies think
when they write label instructions on consumer goods. In case you needed proof, the following are some examples.
On a bar of Dial soap "DIRECTIONS: USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP." (And that would be how ...?)
On some Swanson frozen dinners "SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST." (But its "just" a suggestion)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) "DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN." (Too late!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding "PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING." (As night follows day . . .)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron "DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY." (But wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine "DO NOT DRIVE A CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY AFTER TAKING THIS MEDICATION."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could
just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid "WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS." (One would hope!)
On most brands of Christmas lights "FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY." (As opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor "NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts "WARNING: CONTAINS NUTS." (A veritable news flash!)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts "INSTRUCTIONS: OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS." (Step 3: Fly Delta.)
On a child's superman costume "WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY." (Don't blame the company. Blame parents for this one.)
In a US guide to setting up a new computer "TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING." (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)
On a Swedish chainsaw "DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS." (Was there a lot of this happening somewhere? My Gosh!)
...and a few uncomented...
On a windshield sunscreen "Do not drive with this in place".
On a blanket from Taiwan "NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO."
On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists "REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU."
On a Taiwanese shampoo "USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE."
On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink "AFTER OPENING, KEEP
UPRIGHT. "
On a New Zealand insect spray "THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS."
In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles "OPEN OTHER END."
On a packet of Sunmaid raisins "WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?"
On a Sears hairdryer "DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING."
On a Korean kitchen knife "WARNING -KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN."
