RingMaster
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Rude LimericksWhile Titian was mixing rose madder
his model climbed up a ladder.
Her position to Titian
Suggested coition,
So he climbed up the ladder and had her.
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RingMaster
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There once was a woman named Alice
Who used a dynamite stick as a phallus.
They found her vagina
Up in North Carolina,
And the rest of poor Alice in Dallas.
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RingMaster
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There once was a man from Sheen
Who invented a wanking machine.
On the ninety-ninth stroke
the bloody thing broke,
And whipped his balls for cream.
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There once was a woman from Ealing
Who had a peculiar feeling.
She lay on her back
And opened her crack,
And pissed all over the ceiling.
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A young prostitute's name is Hortense.
Her usual fee is ten cents.
But she plays anyway
When the fella won't pay,
But it sure makes Hortense the whore tense.
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There was an old man from Belgrave
Who found a dead whore in a cave
He said "How disgusting,
But it only needs dusting,
And think of the money I'll save."
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There was a man from Bombay,
Who modelled a cunt out of clay.
The heat from his prick
Turned the clay into brick,
And rubbed all his foreskin away.
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RingMaster
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There once was a man from Boston
Who drove a very nice Austin.
He had room for his ass,
and a tank full of gas
But his balls hung out so he lost 'em!"
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The fine young Duke of Buckingham
Stood on the bridge at Rockingham,
In love with the bailors,,
The lords and the jailers,
Who smiled as they were fucking him.
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There once was a man from Bude
Who watched girls dance in the nude.
He sat at the front
And yelled out "Cunt!"
Just like that; right out loud. Bloody rude.
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RingMaster
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There was a old man from Calcutta
Who was found lying dead in a gutter
The heat from the sun
Burned a hole in his bum
And melted his bollocks like butter.
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RingMaster
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There was a young man from China
Who wasn't a very good climber.
He fell on a rock,
and snapped his cock,
And now he's got a vagina.
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