RingMaster
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One LinersQ: What are three words you dread the most while making love?
A: "Honey, I'm home."
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RingMaster
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Do you speak to your husband during sex
yes if he rings me
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RingMaster
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Q: How do you make four old ladies say "FUCK!"?
A: Get a fifth one to yell "BINGO!"
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RingMaster
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Q. What do you call a rabbit with a bent dick?
A. Fucks Funny!
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RingMaster
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Two gays walking past the funeral parlour,
one says "fancy popping in and sucking down a couple of cold ones?"
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RingMaster
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Two condoms walking past a gay bar.
One turns to the other and says "Wanna go get shit faced?"
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RingMaster
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A guy walks into a bar and says "I'm so thirsty I could lick the sweat off a cow's balls."
A guy in the corner says "Moooo!"
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RingMaster
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Q. What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
A. The taste!
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RingMaster
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What's the difference between a penis and a prick?
A penis is fun, sexy and satisfying... A prick is the guy who owns it.
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RingMaster
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Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A: Both of them.
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RingMaster
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Q: Why do men masturbate?
A: It's sex with someone they love.
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RingMaster
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Men are like.....Placemats.
They only show up when there's food on the table.
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RingMaster
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Men are like.....Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
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RingMaster
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Men are like.....Bike helmets.
Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.
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RingMaster
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Men are like.....Government bonds.
They take so long to mature.
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RingMaster
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Men are like.....Parking spots.
The good ones are taken, and the rest are too small.
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RingMaster
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Men are like.....Copiers.
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.
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RingMaster
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Men are like.....Lava lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
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RingMaster
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Men are like.....Bank accounts.
Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.
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RingMaster
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Men are like.....High heels.
They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
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RingMaster
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Men are like.....Curling irons.
They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.
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RingMaster
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Men are like.....Mini skirts.
If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs.
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RingMaster
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Men are like.....Bananas.
The older they get, the less firm they are.
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RingMaster
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Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A: They don't have time.
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RingMaster
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Q: Why did Moses wander the desert for fourty years?
A: He wouldn't ask for directions
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RingMaster
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Q: What do most men think Mutual Orgasm is?
A: An insurance company.
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RingMaster
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Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"
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RingMaster
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Q: How can you tell if your husband might be unfaithful?
A: Check and see if he has a penis.
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RingMaster
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Q: What should you give a man who has everything?
A: Penicillin
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RingMaster
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Q: How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
A: At the circus the clowns don't talk.
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RingMaster
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Q: What is the difference between a man and a catfish?
A: One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
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RingMaster
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Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
A: When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.
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RingMaster
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Q. Why do women have breasts?
A. So men will talk to them.
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RingMaster
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Q. Why do women close their eyes during sex?
A. They can't stand to see a man have a good time.
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RingMaster
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Q: What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig?
A: A women who won't do what she's told.
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RingMaster
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Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
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RingMaster
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Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
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RingMaster
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Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN?
A: Because she didn't know which one came first!
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RingMaster
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Q: How can you confuse a blonde?
A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
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RingMaster
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Q: How do blonde brain cells die?
A: Alone.
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RingMaster
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Q: What did the blondes right leg say to her left leg?
A: Nothing, they never met.
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RingMaster
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Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't fetch a beer from the fridge.
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RingMaster
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Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
A: A Golden retriever!
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RingMaster
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Q: What do you get when you ask a blonde, a penny for your thoughts?
A: Change!
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RingMaster
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Q: Why do blondes take the pill?
A: So they know which day of the week it is.
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RingMaster
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Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week!
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RingMaster
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Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
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RingMaster
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Q: Why did eighteen blondes go to the movies together?
A: They heard that under seventeen weren't admitted!
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RingMaster
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Q: What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
A: They both have a black box.
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RingMaster
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Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she's pregnant.
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RingMaster
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Q: Why did the Blonde get fired at the M & M factory?
A: She threw out all the W's
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RingMaster
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Q: What's a blonde's favorite wine?
A: "Daddy! can I go to Miami!
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RingMaster
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Q: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
A: She turned it over and used the other side.
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RingMaster
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Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A: Blow in her ear.
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RingMaster
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Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
A: There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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RingMaster
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Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.
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RingMaster
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Q: Why do blondes look up and smile at lightning?
A: They think someone is taking their picture.
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RingMaster
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Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
A: You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline!
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RingMaster
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Q: Why do blondes have square breasts?
A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box!
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RingMaster
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Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.
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RingMaster
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Q: Why can't blondes count to 70?
A: Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.
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RingMaster
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Q: What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
A: Some traffic signs say stop.
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RingMaster
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Q: What did the blonde customer say to the waitress when reading her nametag?
A: "Mary... that's cute. What did you name the other one?"
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RingMaster
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Q: Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?
A: The noise gave her a headache.
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RingMaster
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Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747.
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RingMaster
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Q: What do blondes say after sex?
A: "Thanks, guys!"
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RingMaster
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Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
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RingMaster
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Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
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RingMaster
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Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
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RingMaster
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Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!
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RingMaster
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Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
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RingMaster
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Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.
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RingMaster
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Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
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RingMaster
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Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.
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RingMaster
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Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
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RingMaster
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Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
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RingMaster
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Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.
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RingMaster
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Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
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RingMaster
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Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment?
A: An IN-body experience!
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RingMaster
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Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.
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RingMaster
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Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
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RingMaster
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Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
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RingMaster
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Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
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RingMaster
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Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.
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