limericks

RingMaster · limericks

In 1966
the queen pulled down her knicks,
She licked her bum
and said "yum yum;
this tastes better than weetabix".

RingMaster

There once was a man from Sassoon,
Who was born two weeks too soon.
He was born by luck,
For it wasn't a fuck
He was wanked off and tipped in by spoon.

RingMaster

A travelling Indian Sioux
Wired home for two punts, and one canoe.
The answer next day
said "Girls on the way,
But what the hell's a panoe?".

RingMaster

There once was a chap from Southall
Who's prick was incredibly small.
With a measuring rod
They found it was not
More than four-fifths of five-eights of fuck all.

RingMaster

There was an old man from Harrow
Who tried to have sex with a sparrow.
The sparrow said "No,
You can't have a go,
As the hole in my arse is too narrow."

RingMaster

There once was a man from St. Clair
who was screwing his wife on the stairs.
The bannister broke
so he quickened his stroke
and finished her off in mid-air.

RingMaster

There was an old man name Toot
Who had warts all over his root.
He put acid on these,
and now when he pees,
He fingers his root like a flute.

RingMaster

There was a young girl from Australia
Who thought all dicks were a failure
So she lay on her back
And opened her crack
And in backed a lorry and trailer.

RingMaster

There was a young couple from Uganda
Were fucking away on the veranda
The juice of their fucks
Fed forty two ducks
Three geese and a fucking great gander.

RingMaster

There was a young girl from Suratte
The cheeks of whose arse were so fat
They had to be parted
Whenever she farted
And also whenever she shat.

RingMaster

There once was a man from Pawtucket
Who stuck his dick in a socket
Some son of a bitch
switched on the switch
And off went his dick like a rocket.

RingMaster

There was a young man name Racine
Who invented a fucking machine:
Concave and convex,
It would fit either sea,
With attractions for those in between.

RingMaster

A shiftless young fellow of Kent
Had his wife fuck the landlord for rent.
But as she grew older,
The landlord grew colder,
And now they live out in a tent.

RingMaster

King Louis gave lessons in Class.
One day, when he lay with a lass,
When she used the word 'Damn',
He said to her: "Ma'am,
Keep a more civil tongue in my ass."

RingMaster

A brickie who had a fine tool,
Was thought by his girl-friend too cool,
Since, when he was up her,
He broke for a cupper,
As that was his union rule.