RingMaster
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acute anginaAn old man in the nursing home got a bottle of wine for his birthday. He talked the old lady in the next room into sharing it with him.
After they were both totally bombed, he started groping the old lady and pulling at her cloths. He managed to get her blouse and bra off before she stopped him.
She said, "I can't do this, I have acute angina".
The old guy says "God, I hope so, you've got the ugliest tits I've ever seen."
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RingMaster
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An old man went in to see the doctor and said, "Doc, I'm turning eighty tomorrow. I've hired a hooker for the night, and I'd love to do it just one more time before I die. Can you give me something that'll get me up?"
The doctor smiled. "I don't normally prescribe this stuff, but I think in your case I can make an exception for one night."
Later that night, out of curiosity, the doctor phoned the elderly man and asked, "How's it going?" "Fabulous," the old man said. "I've cum three times already."
"That's great," the doctor said. "the hooker must be astounded."
"Not exactly," the old man said. "She's not here yet."
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RingMaster
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An old geezer in an old people's home takes a fancy to a woman who is also staying there. One day he plucks up the courage to go and talk to her and after a while he says he would like to make love to her. She agrees that when everybody else goes on a day trip they both stay behind at the home and get down to it.
The old man goes to the woman's room and asks her how she likes to be made love to. She tells him that she loves a man to go down on her and asks him if he would mind. He says he would love to do that for her and goes for it.
After about 30 secs he comes back up and says that he is sorry but it just smells too bad down there. She thinks for a minute and tells him that it must be the arthritis. He looks and her confused and states that surely you can't get arthritis down there and even if you could it wouldn't cause that smell.
She says "No it's the arthritis in my shoulder, I can't wipe my ass properly!"
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RingMaster
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An elderly couple had been dating for some time. Finally they decided it was time for marriage. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. "How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather trustingly.
"Well," she says, responding very carefully, "I'd have to say I would like it infrequently."
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment. Then over his glasses, he looked her in the eye casually and asked, "Was that one or two words?"
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RingMaster
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A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with a see through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that!
The teenager tells her "Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You got let your rosebuds show!", and out she goes.
The next day the teenager comes downstairs, and the grandmother is sitting here with no top on. The teenager wants to die.
She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate.
The grandmother says, "Loosen up, Sweetie. If you can show off your rosebuds, then I can display my hanging rose garden."
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RingMaster
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An older couple were lying in bed after an evening celebrating there 50th Wedding Anniversary. The husband was falling asleep,but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.
She said, "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to go back to sleep.
A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me."
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite me on my neck."
Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
He answered, "To get my teeth!"
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